When Gary Jones became sick with terminal cancer, his caregiver denied him visitation with his children. Because it was difficult to gain direct communication with Gary, one of his daughters communicated with him via mail so they could schedule lunch dates. They scheduled a standing lunch date once a week. While Gary was well enough to drive, this arrangement worked well.

Eventually, Gary became too sick to drive. His daughter was allowed to pick him up, and they'd go out for a few hours with Gary's grandson. After the visit, she would drop her dad off back at his house.

Gary's caregiver soon realized he was spending time with his daughter, despite her disapproval. So she befriended the eldest daughter. Although Gary's eldest daughter suspected that Gary's caregiver had ulterior motives, she went along with the newly formed "friendship" out of respect for her father. This "friendship" lasted about a month. In hindsight, this friendship benefited Gary's caregiver because she now became the "scheduler" of the weekly visits between Gary and his daughter. This meant the caregiver could (and did) cancel if she felt Gary was "too tired" to see his daughter and grandson. During the two visits that occurred during this time, Gary met with his daughter at his home rather than going out. This arrangement gave Gary's caregiver the ability to control the visits and decide when it was time for the visits to conclude.

When Gary was admitted to the hospital, his children were allowed to visit him because it was a neutral location. However, they still had to contact Gary's caregiver to schedule visits with their father. Gary's children weren't able to simply stop by during regular visiting hours.

Gary's return home from the hospital pretty much marked the end of his children's visits. He came home on a Friday and was put on hospice care. The following Monday, his eldest daughter was denied access to Gary's home. In fact, when she tried to enter her dad's home, she was physically assaulted by Gary's caregiver.

During Gary's last days, Gary's caregiver began wielding her power to restrict visits with Gary's children, despite the fact that Gary had made his desire to see his children and grandchildren known to each of his children, his caregiver and hospice workers.

Gary's children leveraged a third-party hospice to arrange a visitation schedule with their father. During the hospice mediation meeting, Gary's caregiver strategically placed herself in the room to intimidate Gary. Gary kept looking to his caregiver for approval. Several times during the meeting, when the hospice worker asked Gary what he wanted, he clearly stated that he wanted to see his kids and grandkids but felt compelled to ask his caregiver if it would be okay. She said it was fine. When they talked about sharing visits (i.e. kids coming together), Gary said that would be fine. He then stated, but my caregiver is shaking her head no; I don't know if I can. The hospice worker then had Gary look directly at him and reminded Gary that they were there to help him get what he wanted.

Once the group settled on a visitation schedule, Gary's children went home. According to a hospice worker, immediately following their departure, Gary's caregiver took down all of the pictures of Gary's grandchildren and wouldn't let him have them in the house. Hospice feared the pictures would be destroyed by the caregiver and returned them to Gary's daughter.

Although Gary's caregiver agreed to the visitation schedule, she continued to restrict visitation. She implemented unreasonable rules and guidelines that had to be followed to get in the door. She also failed to stick to the agreed upon visitation schedule and changed the schedule on a whim.

Additionally, when his daughter arrived for scheduled visits, Gary's caregiver locked her out of the house and threatened to call the police if she came onto the property. Gary's caregiver cancelled visits for no apparent reason. She also threatened to cancel all future visits if her rules and guidelines weren't followed 100 percent.

Gary specifically requested to see his children and grandchildren during his last days. His caregiver denied him this last request.

At this point, Gary's children became extremely concerned about their father's well-being. They contacted Adult Protective Services but were unable to gain intervention because the elder abuse law in Gary's home state is limited to the following: cruel punishment that intentionally causes physical injury, denial of essential services to the extent there is actual physical injury, sexual abuse, financial exploitation and unreasonable confinement to the extent that it intentionally causes physical injury.

Thirty-seven of the 50 states include psychological / emotional abuse in the definition of elder abuse; 11 of these states specifically call out isolation as abuse. Unfortunately, in Gary's home state, psychological / emotional abuse and isolation are not included in the definition of elder abuse.

Out of options, Gary's daughters sued for guardianship of their father. His youngest daughter was appointed temporary guardian of Gary. Even as the court-appointed guardian, Gary's daughter (and guardian) was still denied access to Gary by his caregiver.

The guardianship was contested, and Gary's children found themselves back in court. The court ordered that Gary's children be allowed to visit their dying father with no interference from his caregiver.

Their first visit with Gary was scheduled for 10 a.m. the very next morning, on Saturday, Oct. 29, 2005.

Approximately four hours following the Judge's ruling, Gary's daughters were informed of Gary's declining health and notified that Gary may not make it through the night. Hospice arranged for Gary's daughters to have a 15-minute visit with Gary that night, Friday, Oct. 28, 2005, the same night of the ruling.

Gary died at 6:38 a.m. on Saturday, Oct. 29, just three and a half hours before the court-ordered visit.

Unfortunately, Gary never had the opportunity to say goodbye to his son. In fact, his son was driving in from out of state for the 10 a.m. visit on Saturday, Oct. 29, 2005, when his sisters had to call their brother and tell him that their dad had died; that it was just too late.

Gary's children will forever hold dear the times when their dad was well enough to leave his home so he could spend time with them.